Archives...

I thought I'd add a few favorite stories from the past here...

February 22, 2006

So...this week has been quite eventful. Sunday night I came home around 11 p.m. As I placed the key in the door, I heard an extremely loud beeping noise. At the time, I'm thinking, "Wow, my neighbors really need to turn off the alarm or whatever is going off!...they're so loud all of the time...aren't they like 40 years old each? What's wrong with them?" Well, as I walk into the large concrete room I call home, I realize the beeping is coming from MY living room (Ok, it's not a living room, it's the area in the concrete room that I keep my couch and TV). It was one of my smoke detectors. The first thing I did was cuss, naturally. Then, after coming to the conclusion that there was, in fact, no fire or smoke, it meant the battery in the detector was dead. Ok, no big deal, right? Take the battery out or just replace it, right? WRONG. Number one, I have like 20 foot ceilings. I began to scramble around looking for the tallest thing to stand on. All kinds of ideas are popping into my head, like, "Maybe I can somehow shimmy up my armoire or my palm tree" (so i guess climbing my tree would be a good idea if it weren't close to death and extremly weak). I resolve to stacking my two glass coffee tables on top of each other. At this time, mixed emotions began to take over: I'm laughing out loud at myself thinking, "OF COURSE this happens to me" when fear starts to take over...the coffee tables are sliding around on each other because, well...they're made of glass and they're slippery. As much as I love climbing and heights and adventure, the reality of this situation was that I could fall and break every limb of my body and nobody would know because I live alone, and let's face it...if I screamed, my neighbors wouldn't think twice...I do live in the ghetto. Well, long story short, after climbing on the unsteady tables in my giant sweatpants they make me trip, I successfully removed the battery, threw it across the room, and made my way safely down from my table contraption. VICTORY!! Well, sadly enough, my smoke detector is also connected to the electricity, so since I didn't have another battery on hand, it went off ALL NIGHT LONG. I slept with my ipod up loud and the headphones deeply embedded in my ears with pillows covering both sides of my head. Talk about a restfull night of sleep! :-(

Well, to top it all off, I burned my finger on my HAIR this morning becaue my hair dryer gets so hot. Then, I walked into my office, turned on the light and ran right into a giant computer monitor that I think a dinosaur used to own. I slammed my knee into the edge, tripped, and spilled my extremely hot triple tall sugar-free vanilla nonfat latte all over my hand and down my sleeve.

January 18, 2006

Good story for the day:

I was leaving my parking garage in the ghetto and the arm on the gate to get out was broken! I swiped my little card and nothing happened. Giant arm still in front of Zelda (my car) with no way out. I call the number on the parking beepy thing and of course nobody answers. So there I sit...in the ghetto, late for work, trapped in this little parking shute that connects the garage to the street. The shute I speak of is a very narrow, one-car wide lane that ramps from the garage down into the street...it has high curbs on either side and is curvy. Picture me trying to back up this thing, against gravity, on this curvy and very narrow shute thing. Well, I back up and try to exit out the other direction, but since I already swiped my card at the broken one, it thought I was trying to cheat so it wouldn't work. So then I back up the shute the other way and went back to the broken one. At this time, another girl pulls behind me to exit. I think in my mind...wow, we're screwed and we'll have to become best friends and live here...do I still have that granola bar in my purse? Don't I have a bottle of water in my back seat? Or did I move it to the trunk? It will be cold water...it's been cold lately...Then, I snap back into reality and realize this poor girl doesn't know it's broken so she thinks I'm just hanging out, not swiping my card. So I decide to get out of my car and try and fix the arm on the gate. I jump out of Zelda...still on the narrow shute...can barely open the door and squeeze myself out of her...I go in front of the car and grab the arm thingy and yank it up as hard as I can. The arm breaks and I prop it up against the wall...I'M FREE!!! I hopped back in the car and drove away...the girl...my new best friend that I was going to share my granola bar and water with...drives through behind me. I'm thinking, gosh, she must really appreciate me for fixing the gate so we could both get through! Right then, the broken arm that was propped up against the wall came down and hit the back of her car!! HAHA!! OH CRAP!! She stopped for a second, then kept on going, so I did, too.

So there you go...hope this entertained you. Have a great day.